Free Kindle It's All Your Fault!: 12 Tips For Managing People Who Blame Others For Everything ebooks Download

                
              
Free Kindle 
It's All Your Fault!: 12 Tips For Managing People Who Blame Others For Everything ebooks Download
It's All Your Fault! explains, in easy-to-understand terminology, behaviors of people who have personality disorders, particularly blaming, irrational, and impulsive behaviors. This is a growing problem—possibly effecting over 25 percent of the US population—and a predictable one that can be managed and keep everyday problems from becoming high conflict disputes.
Paperback: 368 pages
Publisher: High Conflict Institute Press; Second Printing edition (February 21, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1936268027
ISBN-13: 978-1936268023
Product Dimensions:  0.8 x 6 x 8.8 inches
Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:  4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (44 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #143,181 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)   #5 in Books > Law > Rules & Procedures > Alternative Dispute Resolution   #51 in Books > Business & Money > Human Resources > Conflict Resolution & Mediation   #82 in Books > Self-Help > Anger Management
I recently managed an employee who's a high conflict person (probably BPD). I learned so much from this book and it actually gave me empathy for these folks and the fact that you simply can't reason with them. They have such a hair trigger for danger and go into some sort of serious survival mode.My employee tried to report a "hostile work environment" to HR, but I'd already been talking to HR about her for a period of time. I, also, luckily, had a strong reputation for being very empathetic, fair, and calm.Her survival technique was to talk to my manager and manager's manager about me, when I tried to enforce any boundaries or work standards. The first time it happened, I became extrememly concerned. But by using these techniques and following the advice in this book--it's almost like she got frustrated that I wouldn't react and quit. She didn't like constructive, simple feedback and from the point I started coaching her and working w/ HR to when she quit only took about two months.What was scary about this perons, was that she couldn't get through a sentence without twisting things or outright lieing. It's like she was contantly spinning everything to try to manipulate peopel's perception. She'd lie about things it made no sense to lie about. One week she'd storm at me and cry and be going to HR and the next week she'd ask to have lunch as if nothing happened.I was definitely this person's "Target of Blame", and she did enlist a negative advocate to vent to, but this person ended up being very nice to me, and we get along. I don't doubt it's damaged some of my relationships, which had always been good at work.It was one of the draining, stressful experiences I've ever been through and this book was a godsend.
Chances are some time in your life you'll encounter a high conflict person (HCP). An HCP will take things you say and misinterpret them, blame you for everything and can easily convince others that you are off your rocker. Oh, you've experienced this too?Bill Eddy is the president and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. He is an attorney, therapist, mediator and public speaker. He provides seminars on mental health issues for judges, attorneys and mediators.This book is incredibly powerful for three reasons. First, Bill takes all of the psychological terms and makes them understandable to the common man. Then he describes high conflict behavior in a way that makes it easy to identify. Lastly he tells lots of true stories -- making the concepts easy to grasp.Bill Eddy doesn't tell you how to "beat" the other person in an argument. His whole focus is to help you understand what drives the high conflict person and how to protect yourself and live without lowering yourself to destructive behavior.Here are few of the key points Bill covers in the "Understanding HCP" section: -Don't take their personal attacks personally -- it's more about them revealing their hurt and weaknesses than it is about you. -Don't get involved in retaliating and giving them negative feedback, it just feeds the fire of anger and escalates the situation. -Don't become a negative advocate. High conflict people have a way of sucking you into their problems and way of thinking. We need to set firm, yet loving boundaries.In the second half of the book he gives plenty of practical, actionable advice.
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