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“Life is relationships; the rest is just details.” We are designed for relationships, yet they often bring us pain. In this paradigm-shifting book, Gary Smalley unravels the DNA of relationships: we are made for three great relationships―with God, others, and ourselves―and all relationships involve choice. Gary exposes a destructive relationship dance that characterizes nearly every relationship conflict, and he offers five new dance steps that will revolutionize relationships. The DNA of Relationships, the cornerstone book in Gary Smalley's relationship campaign, will revolutionize your marriage, family, friendships, and work relationships.
Series: Smalley Franchise Products
Audio CD
Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.; Unabridged edition (October 1, 2004)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0842359907
ISBN-13: 978-0842359900
Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.9 x 4.9 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces
Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (173 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #396,370 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #31 in Books > Books on CD > Health, Mind & Body > Sexuality #295 in Books > Books on CD > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity #652 in Books > Books on CD > Religion & Spirituality > General
In The DNA of Relationships, Christian author and seminar leader Dr. Gary Smalley offers solutions to some of the key problems that couples face in their marriages. He offers his book as a response to the high rate of failure among marriages in North America. He notes that the divorce rate among Christians equals that of non-Christians.Although Dr. Gary Smalley authors the book, he draws on the expertise, lessons and experience of his family and associates that are involved in the Smalley Marriage Institute and Smalley Relationship Center. His sons, Michael and Dr. Greg Smalley, along with associate Robert Paul, contribute heavily to the substance of the book. The wisdom learned about marriages from marriage seminars called Marriage Intensives conducted by the Smalley Marriage Institute provide the foundation for the themes of the book.Dr. Smalley claims that certain recurring patterns in marriages undermine the quality of the relationship and can devastate the marriage. He calls the most destructive pattern the fear dance. Dr. Smalley writes that this is a destructive dance that couples routinely act out due to core fears influencing their actions. Identifying and eliminating the fear dance becomes a primary goal for couples.Another lesson that Dr. Smalley teaches is that the apparent problem for couples is rarely the real problem. He advises couples to look beyond the surface and the arguments to the feelings behind the words. This is a process that he suggests will contribute to better communications and fewer arguments between spouses.Readers will learn what Dr. Smalley calls the "power of one.
By virtue of his many books, videos and speaking engagements, Gary Smalley has gained a nationwide reputation as a "relationship expert."Early on in this latest book, he explains its title. We are all created with a certain "relationship DNA code . . . made up of three simple yet profound strands: 1. You are made for relationships. 2. You are made with the capacity to choose. 3. You are made to take responsibility for yourself."But the book quickly moves to a different metaphor, of a relational dance in which one's steps or moves are predicated by one's fears. The anecdote introducing this metaphor is about husband and wife "Dan and Celeste." Precariously unemployed Dan has just received an out-of-state job offer, but Celeste vehemently resists moving away from her friends and extended family. The "surface problem" or conflict is about whether they stay or go. But "the external problem is rarely the real problem." Rather, conflicts are usually rooted in core fears: for women, usually some variation of fear of disconnection; for men, "of helplessness or feeling controlled."The rest of the book explains how to "break the rhythm of the Fear Dance" by taking responsibility for oneself and learning "new dance steps." Though the strategies apply to any close relationship, the major intent is improving marital dynamics.Like Smalley's previous books, THE DNA OF RELATIONSHIPS is engaging, largely because he sprinkles his teaching points with anecdotes in which he presents himself as the jerk who has taken years to learn lessons he wants to pass along; the "relationship expert" is just a regular guy.
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