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Why is love between men and women so difficult? In this groundbreaking new audiobook, bestselling author Terrence Real analyzes the crisis in intimate relations, a crisis that has lasted over a generation, yielding divorce rates of 40-50%. Our culture prepares us to fall in love, but it does not give us the skills we need to stay in love. Here Real offers a radical new vision of love and the practical tools with which to achieve it. The current crisis is a product of changing gender roles. In the last generation, women's roles have changed radically and men's have not. For the first time, women are insisting that their partners access the very skills -- emotional sensitivity, expressiveness, responsibility -- that most men have had stamped out of them as boys. Patriarchal culture does not raise boys to be intimate; it raises them to be competitive performers. At the same time, girls are taught to be compliant and accommodating. The result is that men feel bewildered and unappreciated while women feel unheard and resentful. Conventional therapy, which reinforces "traditional" male roles, has failed. The demand for intimacy in marriage must be met with new skills. Real draws on myth, literature, film, and stories of the men and women he treats to illustrate his compelling analysis. Breaking taboos about love, marriage, and passion, Real not only reconstructs gender roles but also shows that patriarchy's idealized model of love is impossibly flawed. He teaches partners to replace it with a love that acknowledges imperfections and then provides five Core Relational Skills designed to help every couple reach their full potential. How Can I Get Through to You? is the audiobook that every couple has been waiting for -- and our culture needs.
Audio CD
Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio; Abridged edition (January 1, 2002)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0743520947
ISBN-13: 978-0743520942
Product Dimensions: 4.9 x 1 x 5.8 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.5 ounces
Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (63 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #1,497,435 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #139 in Books > Books on CD > Parenting & Families > Interpersonal Relations #1594 in Books > Books on CD > Health, Mind & Body > Self Help #1600 in Books > Books on CD > Health, Mind & Body > Personal Growth
After 30 years as a licensed Marriage and Family counselor, I nowmake it a point to recommend _How Can I Get Through to You?(Reconnecting Men and Women)_ to every couple in my practice. Asa man, husband (32 years) and father (of a son and daughter), Icredit this book with changing my life.Although I have seen these issues play out over three decades ofleading partners through couples therapy, the wisdom and insightsthat I've gleaned from this book have offered me a newperspective from which to help couples help themselves.Terrence Real speaks of the breakdown of couple relationships asa mirror of societal gender conflict. We (patriarchal culture)socialize boys to be competitive and girls to be compliant. Whenmen and women become joined in marriage, it is a union of twodifferent species. However Real moves beyond merely describingthe differences between men and women by recommending a radicalcourse of bringing the genders back into balance - and wholeness.He refers to this as 1) empowering the woman and 2) reconnectingthe man. This core concept really speaks to me for I find thatthe majority of the couples in my practice are living examples ofthe corrupted communication patterns that Real describes throughhis model and illustrates so well in case studies.The greatest insight that I received from this material is anunderstanding of the profound impact of the early disconnectionof men.
I picked up this book right after starting therapy for depression which has plagued me most of my life. I wanted help in finding a way to reconnect to my husband so we could both benefit as much as possible from therapy.First of all, I was surprised to find this 'self-help book' to be a real page turner. This book isn't only insightful, it's masterfully written with wonderful imagery that pulls you into the stories of Terry's clients and his own life. The book doesn't just tell you how to fix your problems, it provides characters and situations you can relate to.This book provided so much more than I'd expected. Though it didn't give simple solutions to my particular relationship problems, it opened my mind to HOW relationships and our society work. I don't think you should pick up this book expecting an easy answer to getting through to your man. It simply gives you the tools to look at your relationship differently, and understand how our culture has crippled men's ability to relate to others emotionally.Unlike some of the reviews I've read, I didn't find this book to be 'man bashing' at all. I wonder if those who thought of it that way even finished the book. Terry simply addresses the fact that men have learned to shut off their emotions as a defence against our culture's expectations while women are expected to learn to deal with emotional situations such as relationships. After reading this book, I immediately felt more forgiving and understanding of the men in my life and the harsh realities they're faced with. I no longer felt the need to blame my husband for the difficulty he often has relating to me emotionally, and that to 'get through' to him, I'm the one who has to change my approach rather than expecting HIM to change.
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